A Series of Unfortunate Recipes: The Bland Beginning
Lynley Jones
Season 1 of my Vexingly Foodish Documentation of the Baudelaire orphans. Based on Lemony Snicket's research in Books 1-4, and the first irresponsible season of the Netflix documentary.
Skip ahead to Season 2: The Messy Middle
Week the First:
Puttanesca and The Bad Beginning
Week the Second:
It Gets Worse, But There's Pudding
Week the Third:
Chicken with a Side of Tragedy
Week the Fourth:
Unfortunate Porridge and a Baleful Breakfast
Week the Fifth:
Cupcakes and Catastrophe
Week the Sixth:
Uncle Monty's Coconut Cream Cake
Week the Seventh:
A Conundrum Wrapped in a Potsticker
Week the Eighth:
Cold Comfort and Chilled Soup
Week the Ninth:
A Meal with an Anxious Clown
Week the Tenth:
Lake Lachrymose Cooking School
Week the Eleventh:
Miserable Meals
Week the Twelfth:
The Victual Forensics Department
Week the thirteenth:
Peppermints and a Desperate Letter
If you are a parent with the good sense to question whether these are the type of books you should be foisting upon your children, you may want to read my parent-to-parent review of the book series
If for some reason you want to read the books, you will find them here:
(When I finish weeping over this bowl of cold lime stew, I may write a review of the Netflix television series.)
Dear Reader,
By now you are probably aware that A Series of Unfortunate Events was dutifully written by Lemony Snicket to tell the true tale of misery endured by Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire at the hands of Count Olaf, and to clear his own name. Recently, Snicket has begun a new, even more desperate attempt to retell the treacherous tale on Netflix, in the form of a documentary.
As a student of the history of the Baudelaires, I have assumed the grim duty of reading the entire tragic series, and watching every episode, myself. You, however, are under no such obligation. From the Bad Beginning to the bitter End, this terrible tale contains vile food and unpleasant dining companions with treacherous table manners.
I have vowed to create this series of recipes for those who prefer to spend their time eating delicious food in the company of pleasant people. You may choose to follow along if you also prefer that sort of thing.
With all due respect,
Proprietress, Adventure Kitchen
This photograph, obtained by one of my associates, shows the carefree schoolchildren who, due to a lapse in their parents' judgment, were exposed to the true culinary history of the Baudelaires in a class allegedly taught by me in 2015. The recipes and files from that original class have been collected here for those who have nothing better to do.
This week we begin at The Bad Beginning by making Puttanesca Sauce. If you are not currently toiling in the kitchen of an evil villain, you may enjoy making some yourself.